Struggling (sad post)

I really try to stay positive on here! I know no one like negativity! But im going to vent i have somethings i need to say and i know once i do i will feel better so if you are sick of hearing it dont read this is therapy for me and i need it!
I am having such a hard time right now ive been crying all day long! Sat i took a pregnancy test i took it way early but i bought tons off of amazon and thought what the hey! And it was positive i was so excited thought finally my turn and i will keep this one cause they are going to give me the shot looked it up and my due date was Nov 26 i was smiling all day and just thought its about time! I took 15 tests after that and it turned out it was a false positive and those are so rare! Leave it up to me once again to get something so rare! I just dont understand i know we all have trials but i do grow and learn from everything i have gone through on this journey but when is enough enough! its been 2 years since Brian and I decided we wanted to start a family and here we are 3 miscarriages later and heart broken! And i know that everyone is just trying to help but it just kills me inside when everyone says be patient your time will come! Dont you think ive been patient its been 2 years and ive lost 3! All i have ever wanted was to be a mom! Since i was 12 and this has to be the trial i have in life! I know that god has a plan and he see's the bigger picture i know how it all works people but it doesnt take away from the fact that inside of me im heart broken and crying and longing for that precious baby that i cant take care of! I really just dont understand i know that we will make great parents i know that my marriage is great and that i will be a amazing mom but yet all these girls who abuse there bodies get there babies and i wont even drink caffeine when im pregnant ! and yes i know thats there trial in life ive heard it all but it still kills me to get that negative pregnancy test every month! I know everyone says to realax not think about it but im sorry its impossible my mind works as though you set you mind to something and do the necessary things to make your dreams come true! But no matter what i do i can get my baby! I just cant do it anymore i feel so lost and helpless my breaking point is here please pray for me to have strength and my heart to heal! thanks everyone