Hey family and friends,
We now have a blog yay!! I originally wasn't going to start a blog till we had kids but i thought with it being a few years away i might as well start now.
So bare with me I'm new to this whole blog thing. I'm a master at myspace but still learning the ways of facebook and this.
As of the now the only news is i finished my nephew Tyler's website. Tylerbleyl.com i think its amazing. I really love how it turned out. I love that its a celebration of his life and a way for everyone to come together and share thoughts, feelings and memories. At first it was hard. I cried the first day seeing all the pics and sharing how i felt on there really got to me. But its normal cause it hasn't even been a month since he passed away so its ok to still cry about it.
I take it one day at a time. And other days are harder than others. The nights are even harder. I'm so lucky to have Brian in my life. I really don't know how i would of made it without his love and support! Even though its been almost a month sometimes its still unreal to me. I say the words when Ty died and i have to stop for a moment and think did that really happen.
The words still haunt me. I wonder if that will ever go away. I'm really going to miss him. After all i did know him for 17 years. And even though he was my nephew i still will always feel as if he were my brother. Tyler was born when i was 6. So i didn't watch him grow up i grew up with him. I was there for his first step, first word, i was there for it all. My real brothers and sisters are in there 40's most of them so there kids in reality are more like my siblings.
Its still all so hard. But i was able to find some peace if you can believe that. The first week was the hardest. It was hard for me to even get out of bed and it also didn't help that i had pneumonia. But i was asking so many questions trying to find answers and make sense of it all. I was driving Brian crazy constantly crying and not knowing what to do. Then i realized that i need to go be with my family up north, I needed to morn with them. I needed to find peace and the best way was to be with my sister, Rob and the kids.
So right when i walked in their house it was like a ton of bricks hit me as Tyler's presence fell over me. It was the best feeling in the world. As i started spending time with them, morning with them and talking. I was able to find that they had the same questions as well. I don't know when it happen for sure but somewhere in all this i was able to find peace. Knowing that it was a accident. Knowing that our heavenly father needed him home. That it was just his time. Knowing i should of listen to Brian. The whole time i was asking him all of my questions he just kept saying to me Jamie all this doesn't matter. All that matters is he is happy, safe and with heavenly father. And he is so right.
I will always miss Ty you better believe that. But if and when i cry it will be for the fact that i miss him and that's the ok cry. I have learned that i can not dwell in this. And that i need to deal with this as healthy as i can. For this is by far the worst thing i have ever gone through and since i have a history of not dealing with things well or not dealing with them at all i know how important it is to do it the right way and not keep it all bottled up but not dwell. I'm so lucky to have the gospel and the knowledge that i will see him again. Brian kept saying to me that when he was on his mission he met all kinds of families that lost someone and didn't have the knowledge that we do and just thought their loved ones were in limbo and that they would never see them again. I know that without the gospel i don't think i would of made it through this. Or without the love of my husband.
So creating this website has been healing as well as fun. I have found out some amazing stuff i didn't know how about Ty. He touched so many peoples lives. He was only 17 and there were over 1000 people at his memorial. He truly was a amazing boy and he will be missed by so many.
I'm so proud of my family. The way we have all come together is amazing. Even my parents and for those of you that know my parents know that hell froze over for my parents to be getting along.
I'm so proud of my sister and Rob and their kids. They have truly been inspiring.
So everyone check out the website and let me know what you think. tylerbleyl.com
We now have a blog yay!! I originally wasn't going to start a blog till we had kids but i thought with it being a few years away i might as well start now.
So bare with me I'm new to this whole blog thing. I'm a master at myspace but still learning the ways of facebook and this.
As of the now the only news is i finished my nephew Tyler's website. Tylerbleyl.com i think its amazing. I really love how it turned out. I love that its a celebration of his life and a way for everyone to come together and share thoughts, feelings and memories. At first it was hard. I cried the first day seeing all the pics and sharing how i felt on there really got to me. But its normal cause it hasn't even been a month since he passed away so its ok to still cry about it.
I take it one day at a time. And other days are harder than others. The nights are even harder. I'm so lucky to have Brian in my life. I really don't know how i would of made it without his love and support! Even though its been almost a month sometimes its still unreal to me. I say the words when Ty died and i have to stop for a moment and think did that really happen.
The words still haunt me. I wonder if that will ever go away. I'm really going to miss him. After all i did know him for 17 years. And even though he was my nephew i still will always feel as if he were my brother. Tyler was born when i was 6. So i didn't watch him grow up i grew up with him. I was there for his first step, first word, i was there for it all. My real brothers and sisters are in there 40's most of them so there kids in reality are more like my siblings.
Its still all so hard. But i was able to find some peace if you can believe that. The first week was the hardest. It was hard for me to even get out of bed and it also didn't help that i had pneumonia. But i was asking so many questions trying to find answers and make sense of it all. I was driving Brian crazy constantly crying and not knowing what to do. Then i realized that i need to go be with my family up north, I needed to morn with them. I needed to find peace and the best way was to be with my sister, Rob and the kids.
So right when i walked in their house it was like a ton of bricks hit me as Tyler's presence fell over me. It was the best feeling in the world. As i started spending time with them, morning with them and talking. I was able to find that they had the same questions as well. I don't know when it happen for sure but somewhere in all this i was able to find peace. Knowing that it was a accident. Knowing that our heavenly father needed him home. That it was just his time. Knowing i should of listen to Brian. The whole time i was asking him all of my questions he just kept saying to me Jamie all this doesn't matter. All that matters is he is happy, safe and with heavenly father. And he is so right.
I will always miss Ty you better believe that. But if and when i cry it will be for the fact that i miss him and that's the ok cry. I have learned that i can not dwell in this. And that i need to deal with this as healthy as i can. For this is by far the worst thing i have ever gone through and since i have a history of not dealing with things well or not dealing with them at all i know how important it is to do it the right way and not keep it all bottled up but not dwell. I'm so lucky to have the gospel and the knowledge that i will see him again. Brian kept saying to me that when he was on his mission he met all kinds of families that lost someone and didn't have the knowledge that we do and just thought their loved ones were in limbo and that they would never see them again. I know that without the gospel i don't think i would of made it through this. Or without the love of my husband.
So creating this website has been healing as well as fun. I have found out some amazing stuff i didn't know how about Ty. He touched so many peoples lives. He was only 17 and there were over 1000 people at his memorial. He truly was a amazing boy and he will be missed by so many.
I'm so proud of my family. The way we have all come together is amazing. Even my parents and for those of you that know my parents know that hell froze over for my parents to be getting along.
I'm so proud of my sister and Rob and their kids. They have truly been inspiring.
So everyone check out the website and let me know what you think. tylerbleyl.com
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